winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
