Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
