I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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