Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
