My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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