btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
