if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
