is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
