so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
