we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
This is my gift to your gina
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
