There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
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