I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
