So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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