did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Little spoons don't ask big questions
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
