sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
