ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
