So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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