I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
