What a fucking waste of an outfit
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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