I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
