Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
