morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
