She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
There's always time for handjobs
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
