90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
This baby is an asshole
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
