My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
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