wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
