I wish I could teleport
even my farts smell like vagina
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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