i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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