Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
