dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
