is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Randomize
