well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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