So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
