my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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