No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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