so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
