he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
