We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Umm I'm too high to move.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
