The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
