it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
