Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
