I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
