Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize