I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Randomize
