I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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