Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
