Umm I'm too high to move.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
