Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
