You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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