thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
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