I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
