I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
