I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
