so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
