My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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