how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
