do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
