hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
